I’m stealing this title from a friend of mine.  It wasn’t during a prophetic talk or during time time of need.  It was a simple little sentence in response to having a good day.  He simply sent me one line in a message “Never feel like an idiot, people who would look down at you do not matter”.  He is so right.

It’s hard to go into any situation where your going to encounter people and not have that twinge of worry that your going to look stupid/idiotic or even ugly.  We ask ourselves questions like “What if I say something dumb? or “What if people are dressed in nice jeans and I have on these old shorts, will they look at me weird?  We ask ourselves those questions out of fear.  Fear of human response to what we will take home and live with for a long time.  I am very guilty of this.

Since my illness, many things have changed for me.  Brain fog is a big part of that.  I am afraid to say things in public because I misuse words or can’t even think about what someone is saying and I stare at them.  Recently, I’ve begun to find that using a wheel chair in certain situations has been a huge relief on my ability to get around.  Not only does it help me get to places my headache would keep me from going to but it helps save my energy.  If I spend a planned day out going to the doctors office I have to rest the whole day before to garner my energy.  If I want to take a small trip to target my head will eventually hurt so bad I’d have to lay down in the store.

I’m having Easter with my nephew and his family and I wanted to fill some eggs.  My son drove me to target and helped me in the door.  I started off by leaning heavily on a cart.  We made it to the back of the store (because that is how they get you… go through everything to get to the seasonal stuff – Thanks a lot Target.)  We spent a few moments trying to look down the aisles but there were so many people I couldn’t lean on a cart and look around.  After walking around and around trying to be at a point where I could see the eggs, it hit me.  I had to stop and when I have to stop it is because I’ve pushed myself to the brink and my body fights back.  I push it so far because I don’t want to give in but in the end it pushed back.  Sweat began pouring, the pain in my head got worse and all of the sudden brain fog was keeping my mind from even being able to count the things we needed.  I had to sit and I had to sit now!  Luckily we were by a table and chairs set up.  While I sat down my son went to the front of the store to get the wheelchair.  You know the kind… “beep beep beep”  I was mortified, but I hopped right on.  He made me feel good as I tried to go around corners and hit things and laughed with me when I wanted to cry about the worlds loudest beeping.

Most people were kind and moved for me and gave me a “giggle along” snicker with me.  We finished our shopping puttering through the store and giggling together.  I made my comments about looking ridiculous and feeling embarrassed and he spent the whole time saying “Mama, who cares about these people, they don’t matter to us”.  He was right  We headed to the register.  We decided self checkout was the way to go so I could take up less space in lines.  On our way to drive the cart back to the station there was a woman who was standing where I needed to park.  I said “excuse me” and she looked at me like I was in her way.  My son said “use the horn mom” and we laughed.  She heard us giggling about it and she moved out of the way with a bit of disgust.  He took me home and helped me in the house.  He carried my packages and was so sweet giving me a big hug and kiss on the forehead before heading out.

I didn’t think to much more about that wheelchair the rest of the afternoon and thought more about the giggling and fun I had with my son.  I smiled the rest of the day after that big hug and kiss.  My kids are my world.  Getting that one little line from my friend yesterday reminded me of this trip.  For me that line he sent really hit home.  I actually say that line TO HIM all the time.  Him telling me this though was a great reminder that friends and family matter.  Who you take home at the end of day matters.

People who look down at you DO NOT matter…  Thanks Scotty for the reminder!