“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” — Helen Keller

When I talk of my disability I talk about how it affects my entire being.  It’s not just a singular pain/problem.  It’s not even that it’s a multitude of things.  It’s the way all of those “things” interact.  When I write down 15 things on a piece of paper and crumple the paper into a wad, those 15 things suddenly overlap.  I no longer have 15 singular things.  I have a mass of winding, overlapping issues that now look different.  The only constant in all of those 15 things is me.  How I handle those things depends on my inner person, or what I call …. my soul.

I am/we are all based on one core in ourselves.  Most of the time we never find that core.  We don’t know what we are looking for or what to look for.  But If everything I listed gets intertwined and adds to my disability, is my soul disabled too?  When I discuss my soul I consider it my truth.  Everything in life has layers upon layers of itself built up on us even when we don’t know it is happening.  We add layers on ourselves daily without knowing it.  I see those little layers like fish scales.  They are just bulilding up, layering over each other, covering each little spot.  These layers come from life experiences, others input, things we tell ourselves, even little white lies. Many things turn into scales that cover our souls.  They help build us up and make us who we are.

If I were to take a little truth serum that made all those scales fall away ~ That is who my soul is.  My real self.  You’ve heard tale of somebody being “an old soul.”  That is a core being [person]  who has been through a life cycle before.  WOAH WHAT?  I just blew your mind with some hocus magic….   Many people believe their soul is on the earth with this body and once this body passes it’s done.  Others believe that it will come back with a group of others during a calling.  I believe our souls are destined for more.  I think our core soul is here to learn lessons.  We come back again each life continuing on to the next lesson.  Some people need to learn humility, others strength.  Once their soul completes that lesson they come back in the next life to learn what is left.  I believe our souls travel with others.  Have you ever felt like you’ve known someone “forever” when you just met them and you remain friends for the remainder of your lives?  Maybe you worked in an old rock mine together once.  Maybe you get to meet again in the next life.

Our souls are not bound by any physical world so they can not be disabled.  If something bars my soul from learning what it originally came to learn, it can adjust and learn something completely different.  Souls have an infinite number of things to learn before they are complete.  Not being able to walk or even think clearly can’t take away the souls search for opportunity of growth. I wish for everyone to discover what their soul is here to learn.  I believe one of the things I am here to learn is patience. Discovering it is maybe one of the needs my soul has, I spend time literally working on being a more patient person. Some days it’s easier than others. Some days I just let my soul do it’s own damn work

Being physically disabled and cognitively impaired isn’t stopping my soul. Knowing that it’s not caught in that list of 15 things crumpled in that paper gives me a back a feeling of power.  The power to use her [my soul] to stay centered and take life one thing on that list at a time or even just 5 minutes at a time.  

*For the purpose of this post the word “soul” is not based or related to any religious sect or being.