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You deserve it

You Deserve it

When I think about my life in its current state, I think about how I used to look at my life. I used to be so afraid to be thankful for something because I didn’t feel I deserved it. I felt like having something nice put me on the precipice of something bad. I was not able to be thankful for the good and the bad. I was afraid of the bad…ANYTHING BAD.

I think living a life full of guilt for whatever I had done growing up may have played a part in that. I’m sure many of you can understand that, that word…disappointment. That is such a resonating word. It’s life changing really. Whether it’s coming from a family member, teacher or even an adult you just occasionally interact with – it stings. That word can shape your life forever. If you are a disappointment, you don’t deserve things. Right?

Wrong.

Learning how to be thankful for the bad things as well as the good things took a long time and a lot of faith. Faith in myself mostly but also faith that I wasn’t going to hell. Truthfully, I thought bad things sent you to hell and you don’t deserve good things. Try getting over that big miscalculation in loving yourself. If you are still there – get out. Stop what you are doing and realize this: You were born with no knowledge of anything. You were taught things and one of those things may have been that when you do wrong you deserve a negative response. It’s still that way in adulthood. We just need to learn how to respond to it and realize it doesn’t make our core person bad.

I’m not talking about unlawful activities. I’m talking about spilling the gallon of milk in your mothers brand new kitchen, getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant in high school or even manipulating a partner or friend in situations to get what you want. Those don’t warrant a lifetime of thinking you don’t deserve good.

You look back at choices you have made, or even choices laid upon you. You investigate how they affected you, how they affect you now. Did you grow from those experiences? Did you adjust your life as you watched yourself grueling over the past? Doing things in the past do not make you undeserving. You cannot change how you were treated or treated someone, but you can grasp faith in yourself and see that as a good person now…You deserve every bit of joy and happiness the world offers.

Feeling Loved

Uncategorized / By Whirlybrain

Feeling Loved

We are born knowing nothing. Most beings come into this world with physical instincts such as breathing and movement. Even though most parents eagerly await the arrival of their new addition and they love their child before it’s even born, no one comes out knowing they are loved. Love is something we are given. Feeling loved is a blessing and a gift but it is not something every being is given. There are so many circumstances in life that create a situation where a person is not given love or given the correct kind of love. I don’t want to go into traumatic situations. The ones that cause horrible retributions on lives. I want to talk about simply feeling loved in general. I’ve talked before about growing up in a house that places people in categories and that I was placed into the “needy” category. It took me a long time to realize that I was very different from the other members of my family. Not in a negative way, I just needed to feel things differently than the rest of the people in my home. As an adult and now a parent myself – I know my parents loved me. That time in my life growing up on a different love level did affect me then as well as my adult life. It had such an effect on me that I had to reason with it and investigate how to handle how I felt about then and how I feel about it now.

Coming to terms with your need to feel loved can be a long process. It’s an important one and I feel a lot of us have never thought about it. I believe there are so many in life that believes that what they’ve been given is the way being loved is how we are supposed to feel. I’m not even talking about how WE feel when we say I Love You. I’m not even talking about loving ourselves. I’m talking deeper… How we feel with the love anyone gives us. When someone says to you “you are a wonderful person,” “you are amazing,” or even the big one “I love you” how deep in your soul do you believe it? I’ve grappled with not understanding why people like me. Grappling with why people love me…I mean really love me, sometimes was something I had to deeply investigate. I love easily. I revel in true friendships, partnerships, and parenting relationships. I also get hurt very easily because when I LOVE, I love from the deepest part of my heart. I’m in it to win it. That is because I love to feel love back. Let me say that again… PEOPLE LOVE TO FEEL LOVE BACK. It’s affirming. It gives meaning but it does come with the risk of being hurt. I would like to challenge you. Look inside, deep inside. Find out if you trust people enough to feel their love. If you find that you don’t – investigate why. It may go back to learning it after you were born that empty slate.

Recharging your joy

Uncategorized / By Whirlybrain

Recharging your Joy

Let’s face it. There are days in life where joy is not just burgeoning at your feet. There are occasions where you don’t even realize that your joy may have played a tiny trick on you and went on a tropical vacation. That does not mean you are not a joyous person or feel full of joy in your life. It just means you’ve just been moving through life’s situations and forgot to put yourself first for a moment.

My son asked me why we decided to have kids. That was an easy answer. I wanted to share my joy and help create joy for someone else. What really is joy and do we just get it bestowed on us?

*According to the Oxford dictionary* joy /joi/ noun – is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.

I wake up everyday with the joy that I am still here. That I have another day to explore what life can give me. I do know that I have periods of joy without pleasure. My many medical issues create a narrative in my life that I do not want to adjust to. That does not bring me pleasure. I tell myself that no matter where I am in life there is always someone who has it far worse than me. I choose to not be defeated by it and find that “feeling of great pleasure and happiness.”

When we have had a period in our life, even a brief or fleeting one that you have lost track of your joy, you must stop and let your soul tell it’s truth. Once you can be completely honest as to why your joy went on it’s little vacation you can actively work to recharge it. It may take a little longer than you anticipated but as long as you work on it everyday it will come back.

You have to want your joy. If you deny yourself the true feeling of great pleasure and happiness that life can offer, your not living your souls truth. Allow it that break it may have needed to recharge your soul. Wake up at the prospect that the day you are about to live may end up leading you to the most amazing adventure you’ve ever been on.

Should we listen to our gut?

Uncategorized / By Whirlybrain

Should we listen to our gut?

There are those times in life when you just have a “sense” that something isn’t right. A “gut feeling”. Is that feeling caused by an internal intuition, anxiety or simply something that our body and mind are telling us something feels a bit “off”? The basic question would be whether you should trust that gut feeling. Is it real or is it even healthy to listen to?

There is a definite difference between intuition and a gut feeling. Neither of those are anxiety driven. Anxiety comes from a long standing situation while the other two come from an immediate situation at hand. According to Therapist Gillian Dalgliesh, Intuition is the exact opposite of gut feeling. Gut feeling is about survival – doing whatever is necessary to keep us safe and alive in an immediate situation. It’s connected with fearful and reactive behaviour. Intuition is a higher level of consciousness – a capacity to sense things and to create wise choices for healthy change. Intuition isn’t about survival. If an immediate situation arises that creates a reactive feeling (gut instinct), that doesn’t mean not to listen to it. A gut instinct that is investigated can bring about the knowledge of intuition for future situations. You can not guarantee that your gut instinct is correct each time. Taking a bit of time to listen to it however and learn how to react positively to those types of instincts may become very reliable for you.

If you have taken the time to learn your body, mind and spirit – your gut instinct is something that you may begin to listen to each time. At the very least investigate that feeling. There is the saying “You can not put a square peg in a round hole” without a lot of manipulation. If a situation arises that requires repeated review or manipulation those are red flags and you should listen and investigate. Red flags do happen for a reason. They are life’s warning signals that something is extraordinarily out of order. Why is that peg not fitting in that hole. You may discover you have the wrong peg or were using the wrong hole. You may also discover that the situation simply is a square peg and round hole and should be avoided.

Do take that time to listen, investigate and learn the best way for you to proceed. This will help you make wise healthy choices in the future. It will also minimize reactive decisions that may squash your trust of your own gut feeling in the future.